Finding my voice

lost and found revisited

Recently I told a friend that - to preserve my peace - I stay quiet in certain situations. I say less. If people are committed to assuming or misunderstanding, if they’re committed to their way as the only way, if they’re committed to always being the center of attention, well…let them.*

My friend challenged me on that. She understood the idea of emotional detachment. She understood that sometimes it is better to say less. And, she asked if maybe I’ve been too quiet at times. If maybe I’ve ceded my voice. Which reminds me of a blog post I wrote almost seven years ago that resonated with a lot of people. It’s an idea I’m pondering again now. We continue to grow, and we continue to make mistakes, and we continue to have setbacks, and we continue to strive to be more fully authentic. I often write what I need to hear.

***

The post is lost. and found. and was written on November 22, 2016.

The heart of the post is this poem:

lost. and found.

the words have remained up there
jumbled together
in my head
now jumbled
on the page

we must write carefully
neat penmanship
sweet, quiet, docile
neat words
edited to perfection
carefully formed
to not offend

and yet why

rather
let the words
spill out
sloppy handwriting
smudged ink
and all

the notebook page
stained with
spilled coffee
as i wait
what am i
waiting for

this messy world
breaks my heart
at times
fills it up others
sometimes to overfull

keeping it all
contained
because...
we're not supposed to
"rock the boat"
disagree - resist
reveal - express

we're not supposed to
"get emotional"
which is what
they call it
when you
express an
opinion - view
experience - thought

stay quiet, nice?
NO. NO. NO.

I will not
I will not
stay quiet
I will not
worry about
what anyone thinks
or
worry about
making people
feel better about
who they are
or
what they believe

use your voice

I'll use mine.

***

Writing can be an act of clarification and discernment and processing. That’s why people journal regularly. It’s a healthy and helpful practice. It feels vulnerable to essentially journal my thoughts out loud here in this newsletter. And also I know that it resonates with some, who’ve reached out to let me know.

So I hope this makes you think too. When to say less. When to use your voice. We humans hold onto a lot of illusions. We have many coping mechanisms. We can’t change others. Let them. Still, we can be true to ourselves. Still, we can use our voices.

***

Thanks for reading.

Gratefully,

Mary

*P.S. Of course keeping quiet shouldn’t apply when a person is doing real harm to another. Then it’s time to intervene.