It’s been a busy week and weekend. Today’s newsletter will be brief. In honor of Mother’s Day, I’m sharing some of my parenting-related writing and a teeny bit of advice.
Recently I was chatting with a mother of tweens about parenting. She asked if I had any advice from the perspective of the parent of three young adults. One central thing I thought of was: LISTEN. Listen nonjudgmentally, openly, curiously, with acceptance. Try not to freak out about dangerous or difficult situations. I wasn’t always great with that. I’ve gotten better with time. This is advice I’m sure you can find in any parenting book. And it’s good advice for all relationships, not just parent-child. Open communication relies so much on our willingness to just be with what others want to tell us. Listen to who they are, and let them be who they are. Your kids will make mistakes. You’ll make mistakes. Learn to admit your mistakes. And keep on listening.
*****
And now for a sampling of blog posts about parenting:
This baby - about my son’s open heart surgery at two weeks old
Yesterday morning - about my oldest going away to college
And now for some humor:
Five “funny” parenting moments
Five more “funny” parenting moments
A piece on Scary Mommy: “Eight Guaranteed Ways to Annoy Your Teen”
I’ll close with a poem I wrote six years ago and have shared often:
all you mommas
you're doing a good job.
people don't say that
often enough.
you're doing a good job
all you mommas
of babies and toddlers
and school-age kids
and tweens & teens
young adults & grown-ups.
you're doing the best
you can at each and
every moment.
that doesn't mean
you aren't tired
you don't lose it
you don't yell
sometimes
and make mistakes.
because you do,
we all do.
you're doing a good job
even so.
it's hard.
yes, it's hard.
motherhood is often
portrayed as seamless,
so very natural
and idealized.
sometimes however
it's hard.
all you mommas -
how could it not
be sometimes hard
to have part of your
heart living outside
of your body?
that doesn't mean
there aren't many
effortless moments
and smooth days
and joy, joy, joy
and love, love, love
always and even
among the hard.
it doesn't get easier.
sorry, it's true.
all you mommas -
let go of the idea
that after this stage
or after that milestone
or after such and such
accomplishment
that all worries, concerns
will melt away.
you are a momma
as long as you live.
but here's the good news -
even though
it doesn't get easier,
You. Get. Better.
you figure out
lots of things.
you learn how
to let go more.
you get better at
living the
joys and sorrows
triumphs and challenges
of being a momma.
You're a good momma, all you mommas.
*****
With gratitude,
Mary