Making it up as I go...
Letting go of perfectionism and procrastination
I’m back!
But let me be honest. Today I got lost in the weeds of what I’ve undertaken here. New endeavors come with mixed emotions. It feels good in many ways. I’m grateful for family and friends who’ve subscribed and for those who took the time to leave comments on the post or email or mention it in conversation. Your encouragement and support mean so much. At the same time, I’m feeling discomfort. This weekend I wrote and rewrote numerous drafts of this post. I have a Word doc full of attempts. I also procrastinated in a variety of ways just this morning, including:
Searching for an Anne Lamott quote - which I didn’t find and realized it may have actually been a Dear Abby quote
Rereading my journal entries from the past few months - the good and the bad
Playing word games on my phone - addictive
Making a hot cup of tea - it’s cold here on this last day of April
Texting my kids a bunch of (nonurgent) questions, many of which remain unanswered
For me, the unattainable pursuit of perfectionism results in procrastination.
Nedra Tawwab wrote: “You can miss an opportunity while waiting for the perfect conditions to start. Having a plan helps. Overplanning can delay you. Be willing to work out the kinks after you start. Somethings come together once you start, not before. Allow things to be imperfect.”
I’m forever practicing that last sentence: “Allow things to be imperfect.” That’s not to say that I ever achieve perfection in any way. And I’ve definitely let go of that for many tasks (cleaning, for example). But with writing, I still think perfection just might be possible.
Lately, I’ve gained new insight into perfectionism from a thought-provoking book - Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman. The theme of Burkeman’s book is that no time management system can help us “do it all.” In fact - we can’t “do it all,” so it’s important to use our finite time for what truly matters to us. That’s a basic summary, and I recommend you read the book. Here’s an apt quote for this post:
“…it contains a liberating message: if you’re procrastinating on something because you’re worried you won’t do a good enough job, you can relax - because judged by the flawless standards of your imagination, you definitely won’t do a good enough job. So you might as well make a start.”
I tend to take myself too seriously and worry about things that likely won’t matter in a few days, months, or years. It helps if I think of all the “new” things I’ve experienced in the past couple of years. Big things - like a new job and, along with my husband, becoming empty nesters. And smaller things too – like finding a new dentist or staying off Facebook. These “new” things involved varied amounts of planning, and there was also a lot of making it up as I go along.
I’m sure that my 24 subscribers (thank you!) can relate. You’ve experienced new things recently too. New roles, relationships, responsibilities, places, people, pursuits. Some planned and some unplanned. And, at times, making it up as you go along.
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I recently read a book that felt like the author was making it up as she wrote it. It was four loosely connected novellas, interspersed with numerous unrelated side stories, non sequiturs, and ambiguities. The writing was beautiful and lyrical in many parts, but the disparate parts were jarring to me. (Shout out to Emily for always finding thought-provoking and discussing-inducing books.)
Maybe the author meticulously plotted the whole thing. Regardless, it reminded me that anything can be a story, a poem, an essay, a book. I find that freeing. People create and live in all kinds of ways. Any process – from gardening to parenting to doing our paid work (whatever that may be) – involves a fair amount of improvisation. That’s not to say that planning and practice aren’t important. Yet at some point - in regard to the things that are truly important to us - we have to start, to wing it, to react, to move, to do something. To make it up as we go along.
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Thanks for reading!
With gratitude,
Mary
Procrastination! My favorite topic! Thanks for choosing it today. :-) For me procrastination is a by product of simply not wanting to do something. I actually really don't want to do it all or I don't want to do it right now or I don't have the mental, emotional, spiritual, or physical energy to do the thing. This is a daily experience I have. I have it with the smallest of tasks - feeding myself, dressing myself, writing an email, etc. Of course, I also do it with bigger, more consequential tasks. Kirk has a strategy that mostly works for him. He does a countdown 5,4,3.2,1 and then says launch and starts the thing. I don't seem to have that kind of determination or fortitude. I mostly cave to puttering and know that sooner or later I will be forced to do the thing - especially if it is getting dressed and out the door to work! LOL.
This entry reminds me of Mary Poppins and the fact that on her tape measure she is "Practically Perfect in Every Way." This is my goal. It's become the joke at work for me. I have a hard time accepting compliments and I don't want to be seen as perfect, that is far too much pressure. I do my best. I expect the best effort from people around me (my kids, my coworkers, society). However, even when we give our best. We are all human and none of us is perfect. My least favorite people are those who act perfect or display perfectionism. That seems fake. So, I will continue to emulate Mary Poppins (also because she is Julie Andrews and I LOVE her!).