What do you say

when you talk to yourself

Today is the autumn equinox, and - where I live - it’s raining for the first time in a few weeks.

change

We biked 20 miles yesterday on a path that follows old railroad tracks surrounded in some areas by wildflowers and woodlands. The weather was summerlike yesterday, sunny and in the 80s. Yet the surroundings signaled autumn.

change

Leaves are putting on their fall colors and many have already fallen due to the dry weather. Native grasses and wildflowers are taking on new hues.

change

I’ve developed a deep appreciation for the fall faces of wildflowers and other plants. And there was much to admire along the path yesterday - cattails, milkweed seed pods, grasses with feathery heads.

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Traveling by bike gives a different perspective too - riding into the wind or with the wind at our backs, pushing up hills with effort or coasting down them speedily with glee.

My legs and butt were feeling the longer (for me) ride. At the same time, there’s something so joyful about biking.

We weren’t biking for “exercise.” We were biking for adventure and fun. It’s all about perspective and reframing, which I’ve written about many times before.

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It’s also about how we talk, to others and to ourselves. I’ve been thinking about language a lot lately, about words.

Language

Words

Meanings

As I writer, I like to explore language. To play around with words. To put them on paper (or a screen) and rearrange them. To look for patterns and meanings.

We also notice words and meanings in what we read and what we listen to…and what we say and think.

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It’s true that we tend to notice what we’re looking for. For example, recently I read a book about birds, so I’ve been noticing and focusing on all the birds I see when I’m out and about.

This is also true for what we’re cultivating in our thoughts and in our words.

Lately, I’ve been noticing the word brave. Am I brave? Are you brave? Are we brave? We’ve all been brave in some ways. Sometimes in ways that are recognized, and sometimes in ways that people don’t even know.

We might be inclined to imbue the word brave with super human qualities. To only apply the word to Olympic athletes or famous activists or explorers.

And yet, how is it helpful for us to recognize the ways in which we are brave or kind or thoughtful or strong? How we think of ourselves can help us embody the qualities and values we strive to live by.

Two years ago (August 2022), I wrote a poem “Stronger” and posted it on Instagram and on my blog. It resonated with a lot of my fellow middle-aged people. I think it did, because we don’t often tend to describe ourselves as strong and because societal norms encourage us to focus on how our bodies are less capable as we age.

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Recently, I listened to a podcast featuring Ellen Langer, a professor in the psychology department at Harvard. She’s done lots of research on mindlessness vs. mindfulness and has written several books. Her most recent book is The Mindful Body: Thinking our way to chronic health. Yes, that’s chronic health, not chronic illness. How’s that for reframing? She talks about mind/body unity, as opposed to mind/body connection.

In her research, Langer’s studied how the way we think about our health directly impacts our health. On the podcast, she described how a negative diagnosis can actually tend to be self-fulfilling. Her research definitely piqued my curiosity, and I plan to read more about it.

It reminded me about my recent thoughts about feeling tired all the time. Certainly, it’s been helpful to recognize those feelings, because it spurred me to take some action on my health, on how I’m fueling and moving my body each day.

And also - I’m trying to remember that it’s probably not helpful to think and talk so much about how tired I feel. It probably makes me feel more tired to do so!

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That’s not to say that we aren’t tired or sick or sad. That’s not to say that there aren’t true disappointments, painful suffering, and outright tragedy all around us.

There’s much to lament in this world. Yes.

And also - with self-compassion and with reframing, we can see more beauty and good both in ourselves and in others. When that happens, I believe that we’re then more likely to live our values and to help make the world a better place.

As in the wildflowers who change in fall, so too in us, the beauty is there throughout the seasons. We just need to notice it more.

Happy autumn equinox!

It’s a great time to “Begin again.”

positivelypresent

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May we notice the beauty and the good around us.

And in others.

And in ourselves.

Thanks for reading!

With care and gratitude,

Mary

P.S. In a post about three months ago - “What’s beautiful?” - I wrote:

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