When I started crafting this post, my mind wandered in many directions. The concept of “both/and” is vast, and I became overwhelmed with the possibilities. So, I decided to focus on just a few ideas.
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“And” instead of “but”
Many years ago, I attended a customer service training in which the facilitator emphasized the concept of using “and” with clients/patrons/customers instead of “but” when explaining policies, procedures, rationales, etc.
The concept made an impression on me. That’s not to say that I implemented it with any consistency at the time. However, I’ve noticed that it truly does make a difference to substitute “and” for “but” in many cases in both our personal and professional lives. Even in the way we talk to ourselves.
The simple word change allows multiple ideas or feelings or wishes to be true at the same time (“and”) rather than setting them against each other (“but”). For example: “I’m excited about this new opportunity, and I’m anxious about it too.” Both the excitement and the anxiety are valid and acceptable.
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On niches and specialization
We’re sometimes encouraged to find our niche. There are definite advantages to specialization. Society benefits from having people who are experts in various fields. We all can’t learn the high level skills to fix our plumbing or rewire the electricity in our houses. We value surgeons and other medical professional with very specific skills and training. It can be frustrating to be in a professional or personal relationship where you are expected to know all the facets and wear all the hats. Those are just a few positive aspects of specialization.
And also, people may have a wide range of interests or hobbies or activities or career pursuits. Both/and. In my case, I like to tell stories in a variety of ways, through poetry, personal essays, humorous anecdotes, and videos. The tone of my writing varies from serious, to light-hearted, to humorous. I prefer not to find a niche in my creative work. I prefer both/and. I recently made a video about this.
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On labels and roles
Earlier this summer, I wrote “Labels and roles: moving beyond limits.” Please do check it out, as I think it’s particularly important to think about at this time, with a contentious election season underway, with division in so many places, and with war and violence dominating interactions around the world.
People are multi-faceted and can describe themselves in many different ways. We each have the right to self determination, to defining ourselves as we choose. That’s our choice, not someone else’s. While labels can undoubtedly be helpful in some situations, we also can be and embody both/and in many ways.
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So, how are some ways to consider both/and thinking in our lives? Here are a few ideas based on the three points above.
Try substituting “and” for “but” in conversations and in writing. See what happens.
Think of areas in your life where you’re a specialist or expert. Think of areas in your life where you are niche-less or have a wide variety of interests.
Be aware of the labels and roles you use to identify yourself and for others. When are they helpful? When are they not?
What are your thoughts on both/and thinking?
As always, please feel free to share in the comments.
Thanks for reading!
With care and gratitude,
Mary
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P.S. I’ve been updating some of my social media channels. If you use any of these platforms, please follow me on: Instagram, Facebook, and Tiktok.
Here’s one of my latest video creations:
Mary, your posts always provide so much to ponder. I will start the AND thought process. I admire and respect the way you embrace ideas, perspectives, and opportunities for growth.
Watched the TikTok video you made. I’m so impressed at your courage to try new things and put your voice out there. Hooray for life long learning!