The peony petals were tightly held in bound-up buds when I went for a walk Tuesday morning before work.
By Wednesday, the buds had opened into fluffy fuchsia pom-poms reaching for the sun.
Peonies take up prime real estate in our garden, even though their boisterous blooms are so brief. Yet, they bring so much joy!
Every year, when they bloom, I’m reminded of a line from Ralph Waldo Emerson’s poem Hamatreya: - “Earth laughs in flowers.” Indeed!
Some peony bushes around our neighborhood had already bloomed earlier this spring. So, I’ve been keenly awaiting my “late bloomers.”
For some reason, I have a fondness for “late bloomers” of all kinds. I suppose, being in my 50s, I feel camaraderie with people and places and things coming into their prime on a timetable that is supposedly “late.” But what does that even mean? In another garden metaphor, it’s often said that we all “bloom” in our own time. I like that.
I’ve been thinking about words lately, about their definitions and meanings. About the constraints of living within certain labels or roles. Certainly, boundaries and some types of constraints can be a good thing, as I wrote about back in December. And also labels and roles can cause separation and competition over cooperation and community.
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I saw a quote on Instagram recently, apparently written by Sören Kierkegaard: “Once you label me, you negate me.” With a google search, I couldn’t find much more about the quote. Although I saw this addition by Wayne Dyer, “When the individual must live up to the label, the self ceases to exist. The same is true of self-labels. You could be negating yourself by identifying with your trademarks, rather than your own potential for growth.”
Sometimes labeling our trademarks or interests or personality traits can be a useful shorthand to understanding. I think of when my kids were little. One might be a fanatic about all things firefighter and firetrucks or a dinosaur devotee or crazy about cats. It’s certainly not an insult to say people are smart or athletic or creative or sweet or funny or adventurous or organized. Labels can be helpful. For example - I know that I’m an introvert, and that’s a label and awareness that helps me navigate a variety of situations in ways that work best for me.
And yet. Can these same labels also be limiting? If a certain person is the crafty one or the gardener or the cook or the remodeler or the writer or the athlete or the funny guy or the traveler or the planner, how might that be limiting? It’s not necessarily limiting or negative, but it could be depending on exclusivity and usage.
I think, first, it could limit that person to one dominant interest or trait over the expansiveness of being a multi-faceted human. Also, identifying one person exclusively as “the one who does that” might discourage others in that person’s social spheres - classroom or family or community or workplace - from pursuing the same (or similar) interests or traits or goals.
The example of creativity is a good one, because many people claim they’re not creative. I wrote about that in my post Creativity & curiosity earlier this year. Personally, I believe everyone is or can be creative in many different ways.
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The same goes for roles. We have many roles in our lives. Some of my self-identified roles are educator, writer, mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend, cousin, neighbor, and community member. All of those roles are important to me. At the same time, I don’t want to be defined by or identified as just any one or few of those.
There are absolutely times in our lives when one role is more dominant than another. That’s normal depending on stages, resources, abilities, and needs. Also, it can be unhealthy to focus on any one role at the exclusivity of others. I’m thinking of mothers of young children who perhaps don’t have time or resources for rest or hobbies or friendship.
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Labels and roles can be things we define for ourselves or things that others impose upon us. Sometimes people continue to label us using characteristics that we’ve long outgrown. We can’t control other people, so that’s their loss. And sometimes we do that to ourselves as well, as per the Wayne Dyer quote I included above.
That’s why awareness, as in all things, is key. Identifying our values and revisiting them through reflection is also important. Values are more useful and expansive than labels and roles. I know I’ve written about values in this newsletter a few times before. I just found this Dare to Lead List of Values from Brené Brown that I really like.
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Lastly, I must close by mentioning the ways in which labels can be intentionally harmful. This happens when people use pejorative words based on race, gender, ability, national origin, religion, sexual orientation, and other categories. It can also happen when people label themselves in ways that harm others by putting themselves in “savior” roles that elevate themselves and view others as “less than” or “other.” This is something I’ve seen in schools for sure. We can only truly help each other if we do so from a place of mutuality where we recognize the value of each person. Condescension and patronizing attitudes and deficit-based thinking do more harm than good.
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This is such a broad topic, which I’ve only just touched upon today. I hope it’s given you something to think about as it has for me. May we ever continue to evolve and grow.
Thanks for reading!
With gratitude,
Mary
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Speaking of peonies, and also self-reflection, on the Tuesday morning walk mentioned above, a little poem came to me. Inspired by the beauty all around me, including a tiny hummingbird who flitted over my shoulder. The poem was also inspired by my melancholy about the many challenges going on, both in my local community and the world. Here in my city, violence and failing schools plague the lives of our precious children. And in the world, children are dying in needless and senseless wars.
The caption on my poem/reel is as follows, which I’m sharing because I think it resonates a lot with the idea of revisiting values mentioned above:
James Baldwin wrote: “The children are always ours, every single one of them, all over the globe; and I am beginning to suspect that whoever is incapable of recognizing this may be incapable of morality.”
Feeling this acutely lately because of events in my local community and in our world. This poem came to me on a Tuesday morning walk. An imperfect offering. I’ve let go a bit of my activism, of my volunteerism, of my voice this past year. It’s past time to get at it again.