Many things are outside of our control. It’s not like we don’t know this. Yet we often try to deceive ourselves otherwise. I know I need continual messages, practice, and reminders in this regard. It can be challenging to avoid thoughts that we can somehow control things that are outside of our influence. And also it’s very worthwhile to do so. Otherwise, we’d be in a constant state of frustration about stuff we can’t control.
Like the weather, for example…
Last week’s post (Subtraction) included a quote from The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living. The book contains one-page reflections for each day of the year, and I’m using it as part of my journaling practice in 2024. I don’t know much about Stoic philosophy and won’t go into that now. The January 1st page starts the year out with this:
“The single most important practice in Stoic philosophy is differentiating between what we can change and what we can’t. What we have influence over and what we do not.”
~Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman
When messy, snowy, and terribly cold weather arrives, this philosophy is definitely put to the test.
Our daughter had a recent flight delayed, canceled, rescheduled, delayed again, grounded for several hours, rerouted, and more.
Thousands of people in our area were without power (and heat!) for hours and even up to 24 hours or more.
Cars got stuck in the snow or spun out on slippery streets.
Icy sidewalks made even walking difficult and dangerous.
This is the reality of winter weather. We cannot change it. However, we can change our choices and our reactions. We can prepare. We can have candles and flashlights and weather-appropriate clothing and shovels and whatnot. We can stay inside or make travel conditions safer when possible.
We can choose our attitude too. We can accept the things we can’t change. We can find beauty in the snow and ice. We can look for lessons in an experience or reframe challenges as adventures.
Of course, there are situations (losses and tragedies of many kinds) in which that won’t be possible.
And yet in our day-to-day living, we can remind ourselves to accept what is outside of control and focus our energy on what is.
***
Have you found any practices that help you accept what you can’t change? Please share in the comments if you’d like.
Thanks for reading!
With gratitude,
Mary
P.S. If this resonated, you may also enjoy reading these posts:
This is always something I am working on. I call it the shoulds. Thinking the weather should be better. People should be kinder. Life should be easier. It's not a healthy way to think. Instead focusing on my own attitude is in my control. And a little gratitude goes a long way in framing situations.