May musings

revisiting disappointment & rejection

A bit over a year ago, I wrote on the topic of “Disappointment: rejection & redirection.” I find myself in a place, once again, where I’m thinking a lot about disappointment and rejection, which are - after all - inevitable parts of life.

Things will not always go as we hope for or as we plan. On the other hand, it’s easy enough to practice gratitude. In my case, for example, I have a loving family, great friends, a steady income, a comfortable home, and spring flowers blooming in my yard. Just two weeks ago, I succeeded in completing my first half-marathon, as I wrote about in “Mileage & milestones.”

Still, as both a job seeker and a writer in my 50s, disappointment and rejection come up pretty regularly when I pursue new opportunities. The answer, of course, is to not take things personally. And I try. For me - talking to family/friends, journaling, exercising, reading a good novel, and being in nature all help break my tendency to ruminate in the rejection.

Also, I do understand that people have way more earth-shaking disappointments than not getting a hoped-for job or having their creative work rejected for publication. Disappointments and rejections can range from mildly irritating to tragic.

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Recently, I stumbled upon the writings of David Whyte through a free trial of a meditation app called Waking Up. I listened to his recording on Disappointment several times. The essay comes from his book Consolations: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words. I definitely look forward to reading more of his work. Here are a few quotes from the essay “Disappointment” to ponder:

“To be disappointed is to reassess our self and our inner world, and to be called to the larger foundational reality that lies beyond any false self we had only projected upon the outer world.” (David Whyte)

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“The great question in disappointment is whether we allow it to bring us to ground, to a firmer sense of our self, a surer sense of our world, and what is good and possible for us in that world, or whether we experience it only as a wound that makes us retreat from further participation.” (David Whyte)

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“Disappointment is just the initial meeting with the frontier of an evolving life, an invitation to reality, which we expected to be one particular way and turns out to be another, often something more difficult, more overwhelming and strangely, in the end, more rewarding.” (David Whyte)

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I do bristle at that last part - that reality might turn out to be “more rewarding.” It reminds me too much of the “what’s for me, won’t miss me” vibe. I’m not convinced. I think the library job and the publication of my poem were for me. And, they missed me.

Not to mention that many people around the world live in deplorable conditions. A living wage, a safe environment, and clean water (just a few examples) are for everyone. And yet they miss many people. New age platitudes conveniently forget injustice, poverty, and war.

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Back to a personal level, I’m not seeing the “more rewarding” outcomes of my recent disappointments just yet.

And still we keep striving, for our personal goals and for our hopes for humanity.

I’ll keep trying, taking risks, and putting myself out there. I hope you will too!

Onward.

With care and gratitude,

Mary