Today is my 56th birthday. Last year, when I turned 55, I wrote a poem to commemorate the day. You can find it at the link below, and I’ll also copy and paste the text at the bottom of this post.
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Today, I’m so grateful for this life. Things have not been easy lately, and yet striving to cultivate gratitude has been a comfort in the midst of everything.
As I mark another trip around the sun, I’ve been reflecting on a few ideas.
Taking stock & the fresh start effect
At certain points in the year, we may take stock of where we are. We may look at our values and goals. We may do an Inventory of experiences or events. Personally, I’m still feeling effects of global events (pandemic, political turmoil) and personal events (career change, menopause) from the last four years. Self-reflection can guide us to pivot, change, or realign, if needed. It’s helpful to do this type of reflection around some “landmark” time, such as the new year, a new season, or a birthday, to take advantage of the “fresh start” effect. I’ve written about that quite a bit, including in “Begin again.”
Expansiveness / openness
My “This is 55” poem refers to expansiveness and lifelong learning and growth. And looking back over the past year, I’ve learned a lot. There’ve been hard lessons and helpful ones, as it tends to go. I also try to challenge myself in different ways, whether it’s writing this newsletter each week, trying a new type of writing or fitness class, volunteering somewhere different, or taking up running again and pushing myself to do an 8K. I was thinking about this lately in regard to being open to making new friends. For a while, I was opposed to that idea. I guess it seemed either overwhelming or unnecessary. And yet, why? It’s another aspect of openness. It’s true that I’m blessed with many amazing friends who I’m met throughout my life and who are precious to me. And also, I can be open to making new ones.
Authenticity & alignment
I wrote about this quite a bit two week ago in “Showing up,” so I won’t add much today. It’s something I’ve been pondering quite a bit, and it dovetails with my first point above about taking stock and looking at values and goals and activities and more. For me, I think it also goes along with vulnerability and sitting with each other no matter what, even in sadness or pain or grief. Not turning away from that or trying to fix it or turning it into a relatable moment. Rather, just sitting with and witnessing. This is also written about in the “Showing up” post linked above, in case you missed it.
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Thanks for reading!
As we move into the holiday season and closer to a new year, I hope you also find time to reflect and consider the expansive possibilities in each new day.
With care,
Mary
My poem from a year ago…
This is 55
55 is my back still hurts
and now also my knees.
55 is scars from Moh’s surgery
and a hole in my mouth
where a dental implant will be.
55 is increasing lines around
my mouth and eyes.
55 is feeling more
physical limitations.
AND also…
55 is an entirely more
expansive and flexible mind.
55 is acknowledging
limited time and also
SO many possibilities.
55 is giving fewer fucks,
it’s caring less about
what other people think.
55 is dancing with abandon
and singing that way too.
55 is laughing deeply
from the belly, and
55 is crying unabashedly
both with profound sadness
and with overflowing joy.
55 is hope for my grown children
who I adored even before
I knew them.
55 is I made some parenting
missteps, undoubtedly, and so
I admit and apologize and
wish for them so much.
I admire and and love them
beyond measure.
55 is a whole host of beloved
family and friendships,
with ups and downs,
with happiness and history,
with celebrations and complications,
and an enduring love.
55 is I’ve definitely made
some mistakes along the way.
55 is accepting and integrating
the past, forgiving myself
and others, and moving
beyond and forward too.
55 is vulnerability, and the
fear and connection that
comes along the way.
55 is over the expectations
of others, and it’s saying
“no” again and again to
what doesn’t align.
55 is a hearty “no thanks”
to the various lists of
100 books to read before you die,
100 places you have to visit,
10 ways to dress when you’re over 50.
I have my own lists, dreams,
desires, hopes, and
I will live for those.
55 is saying YES to what
is for me and my life.
We are none of us perfect,
and yet here we are,
amazingly alive right now.
55 is tired,
55 is exhilarated,
55 is expected,
55 is surprising.
55 is all that has been,
and all that could still be.
I've been taking time to reflect on unknowing and not knowing. I use this with my mom, making friends with whoever she is on each new day. It seems appropriate for someone living with Alzheimer's. Upon deeper reflection, and after listening to the interview with Ross Gay where he encouraged me to "unknown" my people so I can I delight in the newness of the relationship, I feel that it suits me to approach my people like this. It is expansive and freeing to let go of who I expect people to be and meet them new and fresh (to a certain extent, of course. In a healthy, happy way.)
There is a Buddhist teaching by Shunryu Suzuki that says In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, in the expert's mind there are few. I am embracing not knowing and beginner's mind. It is expansive and freeing to be open to the possibilities.
I've also been reflecting on accommodating myself to the environment. It's like the old adage about not having what I want, but instead wanting what I have. I've been reading about this in nothing holy about it by Tim Burkett and in The Serviceberry by Robin Wall Kimmerer. It is expansive and freeing to not cling to my preferences but to accept things as they are.
Thanks for being! Thanks for continually encouraging deep thought. Thanks for encouraging me to show up as my best self.
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! So grateful for you. For childhood memories and catching up. For sharing your thoughts and musings and beautiful photographs. Hope the year ahead is another trip of loving and learning. BIG HUGS - Love, Sandy