Another trip around the sun

birthday musings

Today is my 56th birthday. Last year, when I turned 55, I wrote a poem to commemorate the day. You can find it at the link below, and I’ll also copy and paste the text at the bottom of this post.

This is 55

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Today, I’m so grateful for this life. Things have not been easy lately, and yet striving to cultivate gratitude has been a comfort in the midst of everything.

As I mark another trip around the sun, I’ve been reflecting on a few ideas.

Taking stock & the fresh start effect

At certain points in the year, we may take stock of where we are. We may look at our values and goals. We may do an Inventory of experiences or events. Personally, I’m still feeling effects of global events (pandemic, political turmoil) and personal events (career change, menopause) from the last four years. Self-reflection can guide us to pivot, change, or realign, if needed. It’s helpful to do this type of reflection around some “landmark” time, such as the new year, a new season, or a birthday, to take advantage of the “fresh start” effect. I’ve written about that quite a bit, including in “Begin again.”

Expansiveness / openness

My “This is 55” poem refers to expansiveness and lifelong learning and growth. And looking back over the past year, I’ve learned a lot. There’ve been hard lessons and helpful ones, as it tends to go. I also try to challenge myself in different ways, whether it’s writing this newsletter each week, trying a new type of writing or fitness class, volunteering somewhere different, or taking up running again and pushing myself to do an 8K. I was thinking about this lately in regard to being open to making new friends. For a while, I was opposed to that idea. I guess it seemed either overwhelming or unnecessary. And yet, why? It’s another aspect of openness. It’s true that I’m blessed with many amazing friends who I’m met throughout my life and who are precious to me. And also, I can be open to making new ones.

Authenticity & alignment

I wrote about this quite a bit two week ago in “Showing up,” so I won’t add much today. It’s something I’ve been pondering quite a bit, and it dovetails with my first point above about taking stock and looking at values and goals and activities and more. For me, I think it also goes along with vulnerability and sitting with each other no matter what, even in sadness or pain or grief. Not turning away from that or trying to fix it or turning it into a relatable moment. Rather, just sitting with and witnessing. This is also written about in the “Showing up” post linked above, in case you missed it.

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Thanks for reading!

As we move into the holiday season and closer to a new year, I hope you also find time to reflect and consider the expansive possibilities in each new day.

With care,

Mary

My poem from a year ago…

This is 55

55 is my back still hurts

and now also my knees.

55 is scars from Moh’s surgery

and a hole in my mouth

where a dental implant will be.

55 is increasing lines around

my mouth and eyes.

55 is feeling more

physical limitations.

AND also…

55 is an entirely more

expansive and flexible mind.

55 is acknowledging

limited time and also

SO many possibilities.

55 is giving fewer fucks,

it’s caring less about

what other people think.

55 is dancing with abandon

and singing that way too.

55 is laughing deeply

from the belly, and

55 is crying unabashedly

both with profound sadness

and with overflowing joy.

55 is hope for my grown children

who I adored even before

I knew them.

55 is I made some parenting

missteps, undoubtedly, and so

I admit and apologize and

wish for them so much.

I admire and and love them

beyond measure.

55 is a whole host of beloved

family and friendships,

with ups and downs,

with happiness and history,

with celebrations and complications,

and an enduring love.

55 is I’ve definitely made

some mistakes along the way.

55 is accepting and integrating

the past, forgiving myself

and others, and moving

beyond and forward too.

55 is vulnerability, and the

fear and connection that

comes along the way.

55 is over the expectations

of others, and it’s saying

“no” again and again to

what doesn’t align.

55 is a hearty “no thanks”

to the various lists of

100 books to read before you die,

100 places you have to visit,

10 ways to dress when you’re over 50.

I have my own lists, dreams,

desires, hopes, and

I will live for those.

55 is saying YES to what

is for me and my life.

We are none of us perfect,

and yet here we are,

amazingly alive right now.

55 is tired,

55 is exhilarated,

55 is expected,

55 is surprising.

55 is all that has been,

and all that could still be.